I hate my nose. So much. I always thought to myself that I would never do plastic surgery because I wanted to accept my body, but if I’m being honest I have seriously considered getting a nose job. I even have a medical condition where I could get it done. And I heard that nose jobs are so painful, and yet I would still do it. That is how much I hate my nose.
When taking pictures, I always look at the camera straight on so no one can see the awful shape and bump in my nose. And one of the first things I notice in another person is their nose. It was even on my list of attributes I wanted in a husband, a man with a good nose so that my children had a chance.
I am not telling you this so that you can compliment me and flatter me. In fact, I prefer you not do that on this post. Instead I am forcing myself to go through something that is long overdue. My heart is kind of racing honestly. You can ask my husband who helped me take this photo, it was hard seeing this photo of me. I NEVER take profile shots, and if one is ever taken of me I pray that it is not shared on any social media. As we took these photos I did some just standing still, but I found that I had to compensate for my insecurity by actually doing something, like put my hair up in a ponytail. Which is what my hair is like basically every day. Guys this was my attempt at modeling. Haha.
Gosh, I hate this photo because all I see is my nose.
Here is what I am going to do. And just a heads up, I am going to encourage you to do the same. You do not need to post about it or anything. And I have no degree or anything that is saying that this will help. But something in my gut tells me that this is what I need to do for myself, and I hope that means it is inspiration. And that someone might read this post and do the same thing and it will help them.
Ok, so I am going to look at this photo. And I know my brain is going to start naming off, starting with my nose, all the things I hate about it or about my nose. I am going to shut those comments off for just a few minutes and I am going to try and see something else. I am not going to fixate on my nose like I want to. I am not going to force myself to even admit I like my nose, because can’t do that right now, but I am going to try to explain what I see in this photo, and I am going to try to see the good in those things that I see. Ok here I go. I have my computer in split screen with the photo right now.
What are the good things I see:
- I see light. I like the light in my photo.
- I see courage. Especially in my eyes.
- I also see fear, and hesitation. But that is ok, those are emotions that I am not ashamed of. At least I am feeling something.
- I see my brother! I see why we look alike.
- I see unkept eyebrows. What does that say? It says that I am a mom and girl got no time to tweeze no dang eyebrows!
- I see a makeup-free face. And I am proud that I left the house today and was confident enough not to feel like I had to wear makeup.
- I see freckles. And they remind me of my childhood.
- I see determination. There is something about this photo that makes me think of playing volleyball.
- I see baby hairs. Something I have lived with my whole life and has gotten worse with postpartum hair loss, but it’s ok because they came with my babies.
- I see brown eyes. The one feature I have always loved about myself. The main feature everyone sees first. The feature my husband loves about me. Big brown eyes.
It’s so refreshing to not fixate on my insecurities. I still see my nose, but I don’t have to let those insecure thoughts control me. I can see other things. I can choose to see good things in me, and I can choose to see good things in other people. And I feel like, if I do that enough, maybe I will start seeing my nose in a different light too. Maybe I can teach my brain to see the bright side of everything. Maybe one day I can finally look at my nose and honestly see character and something that fits my face (this is what people tell me when they try to make me feel better about my nose! Haha).
That day is not quite today. But I am one step closer.
I challenge you to try this. Take a photo of something about you that makes you self-conscious. Stare at that photo and teach your brain to see good.
Please share this. Typically, I wouldn’t push too much for my posts to be shared. But I want this post to make a difference in someone. Otherwise I will feel like I posted this picture of my nose in vain! So please share this, maybe it will help someone.
My final note: no matter what you don’t like about yourself, you need to always see one thing. ALWAYS! See that you are a Child of God and you are loved. Maybe you don’t believe in God. And that’s ok, I’m not judging and I’m not pushing. But I can promise you, whether it be God, a parent, a friend, whoever. I know that there is someone out there who loves you for you. So believe that and see that and see that you are loved.