I don’t really know what to say about today, except that it was a good day. It felt busy, but in reality I didn’t really do much, but I spent most of my day with friends. To the point that I wasn’t able to meet with some friends because my day was full, which I feel really bad about!
I want to express something, something that I talked about while Andrew and I were having dinner at a friends house tonight. But I am always cautious because I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings or bring up something that might be a sore spot for someone else. I know, I probably shouldn’t let those things stop me but at the same time I think too many people DON’T think enough about others before they speak, especially on the internet.
Anyway, here it goes. And I am going to try not to sound like an angsty teenager too much.
So, basically all my life I have struggled finding a niche. I have never struggled too much with making friends but I have struggled feeling like I belong. In elementary school, I didn’t like the person I was when I hung out with the friends I had, so in 6th grade I kind of moved on from those friends. In middle school I made friends, but they either moved away or we just weren’t close enough to keep our friendship going. In High School I had plenty of friends, one or two best friends, and that was it. And I was happy with that, it kept me out of trouble and I really loved my friends, still do! But I still kind of felt like I hadn’t found my place yet.
Feeling the angsty vibes yet? Sorry…
So I went to college, and I had wonderful roommates who I still adore, but we didn’t stay roommates for years like lots of other girls did. Not that I didn’t want that, I did, but my life has always seemed to take me away from having the feeling of some place I fit in.
Then I got married, and I have been fine in the friend department. I had my best friend (my husband) and a bunch of other friends that I saw often.
Then my husband joined the military, and that has taken over our lives. Now, here we are in California and I have for the first time, been in a place where I have ABSOLUTELY no family or friends.
But, also for the first time, I feel like I have found my niche. I feel like I have finally found a group of people who think similar to me, who make me feel like I am a part of something. And while I always knew that I was strong and didn’t need a group of friends to define my worth or make me who I am. It’s nice. It’s nice to feel like I belong. And this in no way takes away from my friends that I have made throughout my life. They will always be important to me, and I will continue to keep in touch with them.
There is just a weird sense of home and belonging in the military that I never expected I would feel. And I like it!
Unfortunately, I also know that there are military members who don’t feel like they belong, and people who aren’t in the military but are surrounded by the military and feel left out. And that saddens me, because I know what that feels like. I hope that I can recognize who those people are and be their friend. I’ve been working on that!
Sometimes I feel like that is just what we all need. We someone to just be our friend! We don’t NEED a niche. I don’t NEED a niche. I didn’t have one for 25 years, and I have survived. And I am sure I will not always feel like I have a niche. But we always need a friend. It was my friends in elementary, middle, and high school, and college (and my family of course) that got me to this point.
So what I am trying to get at in this very random and sporadic post is that, 1) I am incredibly grateful for the military that has helped me feel belonging in a place that is far from home. And 2) if you need a friend. Let me know, my door is open, and I could always use more friends!
P.s. Your probably wondering, “why the photo of my dog?” Well, because she is basically my spirit animal in real life. Except a lot prettier than me. And more photogenic. HAHAHA!
P.p.s. It is obvious from the photo that I need to vacuum. Or really that Dustin is slacking in his job (refer to previous posting about my love for my robo-vacuum!).