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This Is Me

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I have been doing a lot of self reflection lately. A friend of mine introduced me to this Live Your Truth thing where it brings up 4 different energies. It has gotten me to think a lot about who I am, who I have been, and how I have changed. I have tried to think past all the insecurities and the walls I have built up inside. Obviously, with these personality things it’s best to learn from them but take them with a grain of salt, because you know who you are more than anyone else.

But I love that this Live Your Truth is all about embracing yourself and accepting yourself for who you are. Which is a concept I have struggled with my whole life.

You see, I am most definitely a go getter, but I am also emotional and sensitive. Not in a shy or reserved way, but in a more sporadic, strong way. When I was a child, myself and others would have thought I was shy because I was very quiet. But now I think that is because since I was a child it was hard for me to understand why I was feeling so unstable, and therefor I didn’t know how to act so instead I slipped in the background and in on myself in a lot of ways. Then I became a teenager and those unstable emotions were combined with hormones and I was a mess for most of high school! It wasn’t until I was about 20 that I finally started feeling like I could understand my emotions and I was able to finally start trying to managing them. But, I had a lot of catch up after 20 years.

Luckily, I have an amazing husband and family who has helped me loads. Over the past few years I have learned that it’s ok to cry. In fact, crying is good for me and necessary sometimes. I have learned that I need a sound board and take time to voice whats in my head. I have learned that I need to humble myself and talk to trusted individuals about the things I am struggling with before I act, because most of the time the action I want to make will make things worse for me and others. I have also learned that my emotions are a gift in some ways.

The other non-emotional things about me are: I am impatient, I like feeling like I have accomplished something in my day, I have strong opinions, I believe I am a likable person, I love multitasking,  I like to be in control of my myself and where my life is going (which is impossible especially when I am emotional), and I really have a desire to be a better person and grow.

Why am I telling you all this? Because someday you may see a very unstable side of me. Like yesterday. My life is best described like a wave! I have good days, weeks, months, and then I overwork myself because that’s how I am and I crash and become emotional, down on myself, and nit picky with my life. You can usually judge what wave I am in based on how clean my house is HAHAHA!

So yesterday, and for a while now, I have been on a low part of my wave. When Andrew and I first moved here, I was on the high part and I was social, active, and cleaned the house every day. For the past maybe 3 or 4 weeks now I have been down, and yesterday was kind of it for me (thanks to those who reached out to me!). Today, I feel refreshed and ready to start anew! I have goals and plans, and now that I have recognized all this about me (thanks to all my self-reflection lately) I am going to try to find a happy medium where I can be all the things that I want to be (devoted, driven, social, hard working, positive, neat, organized, successful, and emotional) and not burn myself out.

Is there anyone reading this who relates with my personality/energy/way of life? What are your ways to be active and driven and not burn yourself out?

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