I have been thinking about writing this for a while but have been incredibly hesitant to do so. I have been hesitant for a few reasons actually. One, because I don’t want anyone thinking my husband is not there for me. He is! And I would never want my husband feeling like he isn’t enough. Two, because I don’t want to be insensitive to those whose spouse actually is gone for any reason, whether it be death or deployment or something else. I want to be very clear, being here with my husband is 100% better than the 7 months we had apart.
“The DLI Widow” is a saying around here. And this picture represents the saying perfectly. This is an odd time for me to write about this because Andrew actually watched Cora so that I could go to a relief society (woman organization in the LDS church) activity. So I was definitely not feeling like a widow tonight.
When I got home he was stressed out because he still had a lot of homework to do. So he plugged in his head phones and started studying his language. Andrew gets up at 6:00 in the morning, catches the bus and stays on post until about 5:00 pm every night and then rides home. He usually gets home around 6:00 pm. He takes the dog out for me, I finish dinner, we eat, and then he gets going on his homework. I put the kids to bed and he finishes somewhere around 10-11 pm in which case we veg for a little (way to long, we really should go to sleep right away) and finally, we go to bed. This is essentially the same process every day. It hasn’t been easy. Andrew is stressed, and so am I. I had different expectations coming into this from being a part from each other for so long. I was so excited that we would finally be together again. But sometimes I feel like it is no different then when we lived states apart, because he is so busy and so not accessible.
Of course, that’s not true. This is different and WAY better, but it’s just not at all what I expected. And whenever I find myself getting frustrated or resentful I remember the thing I learned in all my marriage and family classes. The best way to a successful marriage is, sadly, lowering your expectations of each other.
That sounds so backwards right!? Like, I would think expectations help us grow, but my life right now is a perfect example of why lowering my expectations is so important. I moved here thinking Andrew and I were going to pick up right where we left off! That suddenly after all this time away from us he would have all this extra time to devote to helping me. I mean after all, I have been doing it without him for 7 months now right? He has a lot of diapers to catch up on! But, life is unpredictable, it is hard, and it is never as it seems. Andrew does not have the time to devote like I wanted him to, I am more controlling than I thought, and life is busier and harder than I was expecting. So I need to realize that this is my life right now, I need to lower my expectations, and focus on supporting my husband through this just as he is supporting me in my “mommying” and my photography.
So yeah, sometimes I feel like I don’t have a husband at all. But, I do. And at least he is working hard for our family, and I just have to trust that it will get better as long as Andrew and I stay solid. I mean, it may not get better…I don’t want to expect anything 😉