I forced myself to do a self portrait. I didn’t want to. Especially not today, it’s been a rough day where I have really doubted myself. I didn’t know where I was going to go with it either. But here it goes.
I think a lot of you would be surprised to find out that I am actually quite shy and even more self conscious. You’d be surprised how many times I start a text message, or a post, or something and write the whole thing out and then delete it with fear that someone might judge me. Even to my own family. It’s dumb, and it’s a battle I fight with myself. Even typing this now I am fighting every desire I have to backspace this whole paragraph.
Why do I care so much about what people think of me?
To be honest, it’s not all vain things. I care a little about my clothing but not enough to spend ridiculous amounts of money on it. I care about my looks, but refuse to give in to the worlds standard of beauty. Don’t get me wrong, I hope people think I am OK looking! Haha. Anyway, what I struggle with is the fear of people judging my personality. My whole life I have been severely self conscious of myself because I am an extremely emotional and sometimes unstable person. And I don’t want people to see that and think I am weird. So I joke about being weird and awkward to beat them to the punch. And I force myself to be social even though inside I am questioning myself the whole way.
This is a good photo, I look nice, happy, and confident. But I really don’t like it that much. Because I know that underneath my smile and the cute way I am playing with my hair is a self conscious, stressed out, doubting Christine. Don’t worry, I am not like this all the time, today was just an off day!
So, what’s the point of me saying this. As a photographer I want to capture your personality, and I want you to be happy with the photos, but that is not going to happen unless you feel happy and confident in yourself.
So, a little tip. When you have a photo shoot or an event to be documented coming up, try your hardest to prepare yourself not just on the outside but on the inside too. Don’t just get your hair done, and your nails, but build herself up. Practice confidence, do things that make you happy, and know that the only opinions that matter to you are Gods, your loved ones who care about you and your future, and your own.
When I am taking photos of you, focus on those things that make you happy! It will show in the photos and you will like the photos even more because you remember being happy in that moment.